Do Not Leave Valuables in Car

We went to Mission Trails Regional Park today. It was forest Monday, and so today we went to the forest. We parked the car under one of those signs that read, “Do Not Leave Valuables in Car.” Boy Binko (as he has been referring to himself lately) giggled and said, “No, you won’t leave me in the car.” Ohhh…kayyy?

We had a great time at the park, where about a thousand black fuzzy caterpillars crawled (at practically the speed of sound, I swear, tiny little sonic booms all over the park). We got to the end of the trail and were hanging out around the entrance, where faux rocks delineate the native landscaping. Binko loves the rocks and was climbing all over as a panther, rahrrr. He came loping over to me and said that he wanted to start a family and be a daddy panther and have 100 cubs. (Good luck with that, I thought.) So then he says, “Okay, I’m the daddy panther, and you are the female.”

Uh, uh-oh.

“Come up here into our cave. It has many places that will be cozy and safe for our cubs.” Yes, he really does talk like that.

I sat down next to him.

“Now I will share my parts with you so we can have baby panther cubs together.”

See, this is where you know what a good mother I am because I did not fall off the fake rocks and pass out with laughter.

He cupped his hands and held them out to me and handed me some invisible… something. I took them and said brightly, “Oh look, and here are our six cubs! What shall we name them?” Waldorf teachers have emphasized distraction as a parenting tool.

“Their names are Ran and Reen, Dat and Deet, Pluto, and Do Not Leave Valuables in the Car.” He turned to me. “Look at them prancing and playing like little black Hershey kittens in the sun! Quick, mother panther, grab Do Not Leave Valuables in the Car! He might get run over. Let’s take them all to the car so they can bop and gambol around while we drive home.”

That not laughing thing is hard sometimes. And sometimes, I think to myself, what the heck am I saying to him? Do I sound like this?

TMoTH thinks that Do Not Leave Valuables in the Car sounds like a Terry Pratchett name.


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